


From the Torrent, or the Fountain

by Lilymoncat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Almost the entire Uchiha clan is hot for Tobirama, Crack Treated Seriously, For once Hashirama isn't the oblivious Senju, Gen, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Izuna lives, OC Uchiha just kidnapped OC Senju, Rare Pair, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tobirama's brain is broken, Tsunade gets her gambling gene from her grandfather, Uchiha are insane, Uchiha mating habits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 18:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9136123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilymoncat/pseuds/Lilymoncat
Summary: Any clan allied with the Uchiha could tell you they had interesting standards in husbands and wives.  Senju Tobirama really should have paid attention to this fact.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/gifts).



> Okay, this is to blackkat for her wonderful MadaTobi works (I didn't need another rare pair dammit all!), and to poke a bit of fun at the whole 'Uchiha, particularly Izuna and Madara, are attracted to people who can beat the hell out of them' trope in some of the fanworks I've been reading lately. Love all of you guys and wish you a happy New Year!

Uchiha Azami would never claim to be the greatest of the Uchiha. She was somewhere in the murky nebulousness of the middle even before one took into account the monstrous powers-that-be of the Uchiha that were Madara and Izuna. She could claim standard Uchiha looks, middling genjutsu and ninjustsu with flat out bad taijustsu, and an awakened sharingan only because she’d developed a flat out hatred for the elders and their tendency to send children like her out to die in the trenches while keeping their own asses safe. Still, she was an Uchiha and there was one thing she hated above all else: being thwarted by her own clan.

She studied herself in her mirror one last time, evening the sleeves of her white nagajuban just peeking out from under her red with white fans kimono, pushed one of her kānēshon hairpins a bit to the side, debated and rejected the idea of a touch more eyeliner. She picked an imaginary piece of lint off her tabi; picked up her zori and minced for the door, ignoring the looks her clansmen were sending her. She was an Uchiha on a mission and it was their own damn foolishness that was causing it. Fortunately for her, both her targets would be in the same building.

Azami swanned down the roads of Konoha with her hair fluttering and zori clacking, smirking inwardly at the looks she was receiving and the amount of shinobi scrambling out of her way. A pair of Inuzuka and Hatake women let out an approving howl as she passed while she heard one of the snake clan summoners chanting ‘not me, please not me!’ under his breath while she walked. Two Yamanaka made noises of quiet terror as she strode for the administration building doors, recognizing an Uchiha in full husband/wife hunting mode. She gathered her chakra and used it to enhance her strength, throwing the doors open with an impressive bang.

“SENJU TOBIRAMA! JUST PICK ONE OF MY FOOL CLANSMEN! I DON’T CARE WHICH ONE! YOU’VE LED THEM ALL ON LONG ENOUGH!” The silence that followed would have caused the shinigami to inch warily for an exit, let alone several high level shinobi and one Senju Yoshiaki, half cousin to the Senju heads on his mother’s side, sagisō flowers in his hair and a sheepish look on his face. Azami idly reached out and caught him by the collar, ignoring his squeak as she watched Tobirama and Hashirama.

“Excuse me?” Frost dripped from the younger Senju’s voice, sanguine eyes narrowed at where Azami’s fingers held his clansman. Azami sighed and shook her head in disbelief.

“You… you seriously don’t know you oblivious Senju? And here I thought you were the smarter one. We Uchiha,” she didn’t give him time to interrupt her. “Have a fascinating little quirk. When we decide to look for a partner, we don’t go for meek, mild and subservient usually. We go for the most dangerous thing in the area that isn’t a closely related clan member.” Azami heard Yoshiaki snort and saw comprehension begin to dawn on Hashirama’s face. Tobirama however, still seemed to be in the dark.

“And just how does this concern me?” Pretty snow colored fool; Azami felt distinct gratitude to kami that she’d chosen a Senju with a brain in his skull rather then becoming obsessed with either of those two.

“Your last major fight with Izuna you shattered five of his ribs, put his spine out of alignment, narrowly missed all his major blood vessels with that teleport stab you did, and gave him a face full of thorns and a broken little toe when you tossed him over your shoulder into Hashirama’s mokuton. He’s head over heels for both you and that Touka cousin of yours. You stand up to Madara and you fight him verbally to a standstill once a day. He’d love to find other uses for your mouth by the way. Kagami might only be twelve, but he’s smart enough to try to corner the market with sheer cuteness. Two thirds of the rest of the clan would be beside themselves with joy if someone hit you with a lust jutsu and they were nearby to offer to slake it. There hasn’t been someone so widely lusted after in the Uchiha clan since Uchiha Arashi somehow got lucky with an Uzumaki and his son Menma was born with Uzumaki red hair, chakra reserves and craziness. You are so close to having the entire clan as a harem it isn’t even funny. So pick one of my clansmen, I don’t care which one. For all I care pick Kumahira whose proof that Uchiha and Akimichi shouldn’t breed. Just do it so I don’t have to listen to then all trying to figure out how to court you and assuming I’m after you as well instead of this pretty fool here.” Her piece said, Azami turned and flounced out, dragging Yoshiaki with her. Not that he fought very hard.

Hashirama looked over at Tobirama, who was so very still. He could read the surprise and confusion on his little brother’s face. He laughed, smiling as that caused Tobirama’s familiar glare.

“Seriously, for once I’m not the oblivious Senju. Even I knew they were rather enamored of you.” A distant roar distracted both of them.

“SENJU!!!” Hashirama grinned at Tobirama’s vaguely terrified look.

“From the sound of it, you’d better pick fast Tobirama. Or Madara’s going to take a leaf out of his clanswoman’s book and come courting.” Hashirama watched his brother dive out the window, and then snickered as a veritable pack of Uchiha blue followed him, two familiar heads leading it.

Now to see if he could clean out the local betting pool on when Madara snapped and pounded Tobirama through a bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Nagajuban - Under kimono  
> Tabi - Toed socks  
> Zori - type of wooden sandals  
> Kānēshon - Carnation, in hanakotoba supposed to mean 'Fascination, Distinction and Love'  
> Sagisō - White Egret Flower/Fringed Orchid, in hanakotoba supposed to mean 'My thoughts will follow you into your dreams'


End file.
